Crazytown

AND THE AWARD GOES TO

...Baby iguanas. Seriously though, read on.
By Alisha Giampola (writer/performer)

This week, we learned that we might be living in The Matrix. After a totally crazy last minute envelope mixup at the Oscars, America went from thinking the highest film award honor of Best Picture had gone to preposterously over-hyped and under-whelming La La Land to realizing that it had actually gone to the deeply moving, amazingly written, and incredibly beautiful Moonlight (strong opinions mine). This alternate reality scenario in which the best possible outcome happened to be actually true, got most of us wondering "can we go back and maybe check that presidential-election-envelope again?" 

But no, you-know-who is still currently the 45th person to hold the highest office in our land, and daily proves himself to be just a genuinely revolting human. On Monday, he realized that healthcare (as an entire concept) was much more complicated than anyone could possibly have ever anticipated. No really. Then he had a joint session of congress and basically said things like how he will "promote clean air and clean water" while literally earlier today he issued an executive order to withdraw the Clean Water Rule. No really. 

I will say that his complete lack of knowledge of the American system of government has encouraged myself and a whole lot of other people to get significantly more knowledgable ourselves in order to appropriately arm ourselves to intellectually fight back. If you haven't already availed yourself of the amazing Indivisible Guide which has been breaking the internet recently, may I recommend that you find a local group and get active? My husband, Daniel, whose preferred coping method is something I like to call Extreme Organizing, formed a local Indivisible chapter in our neighborhood. You can check ours out at our website here, and come join us for a meeting if you're interested! Our group is called the New York Indivisible Action Council, or the NYCIA Council. Haha. (Say "NYCIA Council" out loud and feel free to enjoy the little ecumenical-historical joke I made purely for my own entertainment.) 

There were a lot of amazing moments a the Oscars this year besides Moonlight's big win. Viola Davis made history as the first black woman to have earned an Oscar, Emmy, and Tony in Acting categories. Asghar Farhadi, from Iran, won for his Best Foreign Language film, and had a powerful statement against the recent unconstitutional travel ban read on his behalf by Anousheh Ansari, the first Iranian/Muslim woman in space. Not to mention that Janelle Monáe wore my new favorite outfit of all time:

I MEAN.

With the awards season wrapping up and the resistance honestly just getting started, it's been a pretty busy time. If you've also been busy, and a little overwhelmed with the state of the world, may I recommend checking out the new season of Planet Earth?! Like you need to do this immediately. We watched the first two episodes (Islands and Mountains, respectively) last night and we literally shrieked like children seventeen times. I swear at one point Daniel and I were both yelling "FASTER FASTER FASTER!" at baby iguanas on the screen. 

OMG OMG OMG OMG.
(Watch the full trailer for Planet Earth II here.)

Have a great week, Crazytown. And remember: even a baby iguana can outrun a pack of snakes. (Is it a "pack" of snakes? No. According to this, it is several possible things, all of them creepy. But a group of rattlesnakes is called a "rhumba", which is absolutely fantastic news.) 

ALISHA GIAMPOLA is an NYC based actor/teacher/writer who, just like you, had to Google whether or not that was Mel Gibson's girlfriend or daughter and, just like you, was deeply mortified to find out that she was his WIFE.
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TOP TEN FILMS OF 2016: DAVILA'S LIST

I cried during at least seven movies in 2016...

by David Davila (some dude that loves movies)

There were seven different times when I saw a movie in 2016 and thought "Damn that's gonna win best picture!" Seven different times! There were also seven different times that I cried in the movie theatre like a little baby. Those two sets of seven have some overlap, and with that in mind it was pretty hard for me to put these wonderful movies in any kind of "best of" order this year. Sooooo for the first time EVER... I'm not putting them in order... 

WATCH THESE MOVIES... CAUSE THEY'RE THE BEST OF 2016:

La La Land: Here's to the dreamers who dream. The story of "the one that got away" is one that hits very close to home to me, as does the inevitable question of "when is it time to give up on your dreams?" Those themes are strong in La La Land, as is the set design, cinematography, story-telling, and marvelous performances. In the final scene when fantasy and reality finally come face to face... I sobbed uncontrollably. I cried even more the second time. Bravo! La La Land is a masterpiece that will be celebrated for the next hundred years. 

Moonlight: I've never seen a movie like Moonlight in my life. Something so specific, yet so true to real life that everyone can identify with it. A three part story that examines a man in three very pivotal moments that changed the course of his life, Moonlight succeeds where many stories fail, in the honesty of life's unexpected moments.

20th Century Women: A fifty-five year old woman must contemplate what it means to be a man in order to save her son from himself. The take away being that there are a lot of feeling that a man will feel during this life, and strength is what it takes to endure those feelings. I was bawling as the credits rolled. This is the only movie I was rooting for for Best Picture that did not get a nomination unfortunately. It deserved one, and both Annette Bening and Greta Gerwig were snubbed as well! 

Manchester by the Sea: A reclusive, and easily agitated man must return to his hometown to take care of his nephew when his brother dies. It's terribly sad... and that's just the first ten minutes. Would you believe me if I said that it gets worse and worse and worse from there? This is the saddest movie I've seen in probably twenty years and I cried for a good third of the movie and spent a week in a deep depression afterwards. The celebrated playwright, Kenneth Lonergan uses film to go to places that the theatre does not allow him to go. It's astonishing, breath-taking, and tragic.

Arrival: If you knew how your life would end would you live it anyway? The "If/Then" question at the center of this sci-fi art-house hybrid is one that we all ponder in our lives. Amy Adams is remarkable, as is everything about this film, from beginning to end and back again. Yes... I cried like a baby... again.

Hell or High Water: Two brothers decide to rob some small town banks in the ultimate act of revenge imaginable. This is as much a movie about West Texas small town life after big corporations sucked the money out of main street, as it is about what it takes to join the predator class and get rich in America. 

Hidden Figures: A wonderful, feel-good, female-empowering true story about the women who helped get a man into outer space. I laughed, I cried, and I cheered! This is a movie we'll be watching over and over every time it plays on cable for the rest of our lives.

Sing Street: If you wanna do something in life just do it. That's the idea behind this Irish film in the great tradition of Once and The Commitments, this movie takes a bunch of low-down underdogs and turns them into rock gods! 

Birth of a Nation: A retelling of the historic slave uprising of Nate Turner and company. The movie succeeds at drawing direct comparisons to current trends in police brutality that make one realize that the time of slavery is not as far away as one would like to imagine. Of course I cried in this one too. 

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: The only blockbuster on my list, Fantastic Beasts took me on a journey that I did not expect. What a wonderful movie about saving the planet and stopping hatred. This is the type of movie we all need in our lives right now. Furthermore, this screenplay was written by J.K. Rowling herself, which makes me wish the studios had let her write all of the previous films. 

A LIST I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO SHARE

From the January 27th edition of the Los Angeles Times
By Jennifer Anderson (actor/singer/...guys is this really happening?)

Hello there, Crazytown. 

I spent all this week immersed in news updates, trying to come to grips with what has happened in our nation over the last week. 

I tried to come up with some witty idea for an article, a sardonic knife to jab in the sides of Trump and his cronies- but I'm at a loss. I'm sad. I'm scared. 

So instead, I'm going to share an article by Ray Richmond of the Los Angeles Times. 

I never thought I'd have to write that I sense fear from my fellow citizens when it comes to speaking out against a presidential administration. But I do.

I never thought I'd have to write that our president is the biggest and most compulsive liar that I've ever encountered in American public life. But I must.

I never thought I'd have to write that the leader of the United States has the demeanor of a middle school-aged adolescent, with mature development arrested at age 13. But it's true.

I never thought I'd have to write that my government has declared literal war against the truth, or that the president's chief spokesperson would go on television and with a straight face and present the idea of "alternative facts." But they have.

I never thought I'd have to write that my president is so insecure and consumed with the size of his support that he would personally phone the acting chief of the National Park Service to produce photographic evidence of a larger turnout at his inauguration. But he did.

I never thought I'd have to write that my president has launched a trade war with Mexico during his first week in office and generate talks of an actual war. But he has.

I never thought I'd have to write that members of President Trump's senior staff all were using a private Republican National Committee email server after having made Hillary Clinton's doing so the centerpiece of the general election campaign. But it has.

I never thought I'd have to write that the winner of the presidential campaign is loudly and persistently making dubious claims of voter fraud despite having come out on top. But he does.

I never thought I'd have to write that the proposed solution for making Mexico pay for a wall on America's southern border would be a 20% tax on all imported goods, essentially sticking American consumers with the bill. But it is.

I never thought I'd have to write that an American president this week stood in front of the hallowed CIA Memorial Wall and made a self-aggrandizing speech about his own greatness and popularity, unable to see past his own narcissistic reflection. But he did.

I never thought I'd have to write that five members of the president's inner circle, including two of his children, are registered to vote in two states. But they are.

I never thought I'd have to write that Steve Bannon, the president's chief strategist, has gone so far as to tell the New York Times, "The media should be embarrassed and humiliated and keep its mouth shut and just listen for a while. The media here is the opposition party." But he did.

I never thought I'd have to write that the leader of the once-free world could consume himself with bad-mouthing movie stars and TV shows in tweets and all but declare war on information itself. But he does.

I never thought I'd have to write that the country could be so fractured and polarized that talk of civil war would be in the air. But it is.

I never thought I'd have to write that a presidential administration has threatened to go to war with California by putting us on notice that federal funding would be withheld from sanctuary cities if they failed to cooperate with immigration agents. But it did.

I never thought I'd have to write that the New York Times now sees fit to use the words "lie" and "lies" in headlines and stories applied to a sitting president of the United States, which it didn't even do with Richard Nixon. But this past week, it did.

I never thought I'd have to write that waking up in the morning to the news — once an activity embraced with relish — so fills me with dread. But it does.

I never thought I'd have to write that going about the business of my daily life feels utterly empty and foreboding due to what appears to be the purposeful destruction of our hallowed institutions of democracy in real time. But it has.

I never thought I'd have to write that I feel helpless in the face of tyranny and autocratic rule from a man who believes himself at once omnipotent and infallible. But I do.

I never thought I'd have to write that I sense I'm a stranger in my own land. But I do.

 

 

JENNIFER ANDERSON is an actor and signer living in Brooklyn. She proudly resists. www.jenniferjanderson.com
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BI-COASTAL

A look at the two very different sides of our country.
by Alex Syiek (Writer/Performer)

I was at my dentist's office in Southern California today, getting in all my last minute cavity fillings before I have to stop riding off my parents' insurance, and the dentist asked me if I thought I would move back to Los Angeles area any time soon (I'm in California on vacation for a couple of weeks). I told her that I didn't think so, as I love New York so much. And besides, I continued to explain, you're either a New York person or a Los Angeles person. Well that got my dentist very curious. She asked "Well, what makes you a Los Angeles person versus a New York person?" So I thought I spend today's post doing a little side-by-side of the differences between those two very special groups of people. Now remember, everything I say here is derived from stereotypes, so don't get your panties in a bunch if you get offended.

Without further ado, Los Angeles People VS New York People!:

1. OCEANS
   
   If you're a Los Angeles person, you probably live a lot closer to the Pacific Ocean. On the other hand, those crazy New Yorkers live closer to the Atlantic Ocean! Now who's making a splash?!
   
   
2. CHARTER CITY IN SQUARE MILES
   
   If you're a Los Angeles person, you live in a sprawling metropolitan landscape spanning 503 sq. miles. On the other hand, those people from the "Big Apple" live in a gorgeous city stretching 469 sq. miles. Sign me up!
   
   
3. ACQUISITION FROM NATIVE PEOPLES
   
   If you're a Los Angeleno, you live in lands formerly occupied by the Chumash tribe. While those ravenous New York folk gobbled up the lands that belonged to Lanape bands. Talk about different, amiright?!
   
   
4. TIME DIFFERENCE
   
   If you're in Los Angeles, you don't find it strange when you look at your watch and see that it is 9:00 in the morning. But what if I told you that in New York, it's already noon! Obviously, New Yorkers think they're too good for LA time. Play ball!
   
   
5. SONGS ABOUT THE CITY
   
   Los Angeles citizens can be heard singing Randy Newman's classic, "I Love L.A." at all hours of the night, while New York citizens hum "Broadway School Days" (from the revue The Passing Show Of 1916) as they walk the streets. Sign me up!

So there you have it! All the important details you need to know about what makes an Los Angeles person different from a New York person. Don't get 'em confused now! (But really. I consider myself a resident of both, and love both very much, and while generalizations about the two different camps run wild, stereotypes never got anyone anywhere nice. So, I don't know. Be Amurican. Give a hearty cheers to all our wonderful athletes bringing home gold, silver, and bronze medals from the Rio Summer Olympics, no matter if they're from L.A., N.Y.C., Cleveland, or Juneau.)

But Yours Is Always Greenest

We are all so much more than where we live. 
by Andrew Nielson, Writer/Actor

I literally sparkled in the sun: a pale vampiric sapling amongst tan, statuesque models. No one was impressed by my friendly demeanor which usually helps me get my way in New York City, home of hustle, bustle, and ferocity. 

Los Angeles was the most amazing place that I had ever seen. I was certain that every day was a never ending party.

There I was on a Thursday at a coffee shop in an alleyway where 20 people had gathered after a cycling class. The sun was shining and music was shaking the cement beneath me. The tiny alley was overflowing, giving it the air of a lucrative, exclusive social event or a crazy club on a Saturday night. But it was not Saturday night. It was a sunny alley on a Thursday. 

In my head, I began spinning tales and future memoirs of my Bohemian life in L.A. At least, Bohemian was what I would call a group of people that apparently had no place better to be on a Thursday morning at 11am. And yet, this lifestyle was not entirely new to me. After all, I had been unemployed for months and spent my days alternating between coffee shops, cafes, and the occasional nap in my own sunny bedroom. 

Still, to me, these people were living the ultimate life. Vacation after vacation after vacation. Day after day after day. 

But then, I thought, this can't be so. I had to remind myself—these people had jobs and responsibilities too. They had rent to pay, bills piling up, children to feed, and a spat with a co-worker who was just plain obnoxious.

Some days they wake up sick.

Some days they are hungover.

Some days their boyfriends cheat.

Some days they cheat. 

They have the same experiences that I do, but on a sunny morning in Los Angeles, for one moment, they were completely, incandescently happy. They seek the comfort of the sun to forget their worries; I run into the breakneck streets of New York to lose myself.

The grass is always greener. But yours is always greenest. 

Happiness has no zip code. 

We are all so much more than where we live.

ANDREW NIELSON is a 20-something silver fox living and working in New York City. Actor, writer, self-producing maniac. His biggest claim to fame is Liza Minelli suggesting that he should "really lose some weight." He lives with his companion of 20 years: a stuffed cockerspaniel named Spanky. www.andrewnielson.com
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THE FIXERS

Ponce de Leon was wrong. The Fountain Of Youth is in Hollywood, CA.
By Alisha Giampola (Writer/Perfomer)

I kind of want everyone I know to read this article so we can talk about it. So maybe go do that first, and then come back here. 

For those of you with short attention spans, or a fading wifi connection, here's a summarizing soundbite from that piece:

“Hollywood magic” has always been a trick. But Vaselined lenses are one thing, whereas digital programs that allow filmmakers to “do virtually anything,” as Cirelli says, are transformative. In the early days of CG, Pixar made toys that talked. Now the new toys are often people: Most fans don’t have any idea when filmmakers are shaving years and pounds off their favorite actors, replacing them entirely with digital doubles, or even digitally reanimating their faces: adding a tear where none existed, a look of rage instead of fear.

Paul Reubens is 26 years older than the last time he played his iconic signature role, but Pee-wee Herman hasn't aged a day. Netflix (may it live ten thousand years) has blessed the world with Pee-wee's Big Holiday and their VFX firm Vitality Visual FX has blessed the world with a Pee-wee Herman who makes us feel like we just walked through a time portal to 1990.

Remember in 2010 when they made Tron: Legacy, and everyone was super confused that baby Jeff Bridges was somehow in it? I remember friends trying to figure out how the CGI worked, discussing that there "had to have" been cutting-room-floor footage that his scenes were drawn from, or "something". There's no way Jeff Bridges could literally just play himself from 30 years ago, right? Well, wrong. I mean... right. Movies have always symbolically made their stars immortal, and now, thanks to new technological advances in visual effects, actors can quite simply just not "age out" of playing any role they please. Remember when Brad Pitt shows up in Curious Case of Benjamin Button looking as bangable as he did in Thelma and Louise? Mmmm, I do.

I feel like this is a great spot for a quick break:

Brad Pitt stars in The Curious Case of What's Happening In My Pants 

OTHER DESERT CITIES

Specifically Palm Springs
By Sam Perwin

As I write this, I have just returned from my bachelor party in Palm Springs, CA. Adjectives that describe me in this moment include: exhausted, elated, tan, full, grateful, sore from laughing so hard, hungover, and ready to get back on a plane and do it all again. As someone who has, thus far, eschewed any of the more "traditional" wedding activities, I must say, the bachelor party is well worth it. As my amazing best friend, who organized this superlative weekend, put it, one of the best parts about getting married is that you get to have all your favorite people in one place at a time. This weekend was the first taste of that, and it was sweet indeed. 

Here's a list of some of my favorite things that happened at my bachelor party in Palm Springs, in no particular order:

1. Aggressive tanning. That desert sun is no joke.

       2. Getting hit on by more than a few sexagenarian gentlemen.  There was a lot of winking involved.

       3.  Many rounds of hand-made frozen drinks by the pool. #thanksoussama 

       4.  Getting flashed by a go-go boy who felt the need to prove it was all real.

       5.  Dancing with a 6'3" woman named Ina.

       6. Introducing more people to the elusive 4th "Sheet-Round" of Celebrity (ask me - it's amazing)

       7.  Ordering, Uber-ing with, and eating a 28" Pizza. 

       8.  Drunkenly belting out "Suddenly Seymour" at a bar with many aforementioned sexagenarian gentlemen.

       9. Aggressive outlet shopping. 

       10. Constant reminders that I have excellent taste in friends, who have excellent taste in hot-tubs

SAM PERWIN Actor. Singer. Writer. Tall. www.samperwin.com
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#OSCARPREDICTIONSSOWHITE

I've seen all the movies, I've read all the chatter, and I've spoken to a Curandera... and now... my Oscar predictions.

by David Davila (playwright / songwriter)

I should start by saying that actually I haven't seen ALL of the movies... never got around to watching BRIDGE OF SPIES but like... that's not gonna win anything is it? I dunno, I might be proven wrong on Sunday. Either way one thing is for sure... a lot of white people will win Oscars this year... but that's nothing new:

 

What is new is that many have called for a boycott... so we'll have to see how that effects the ratings. A lot of the big nominees are really popular but people are so mad about systemic racism in Hollywood that there is a huge white shadow looming over this year's ceremony. I'm not sure if the Academy can recover from this actually. If the awards lose their merit then the movies that win them lose the money involved with winning one. This is big business and Hollywood needs to step up and pay attention quickly. The problem is not actually the Academy's soley. The problem is that Hollywood insists on producing, selling, green-lighting movies with white casts that tell white stories. They even go as far as to cast white people in roles of color. It's a big problem that people in power need to put an end to. 

Either way... here are my predictions:

BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE:

Bryan Cranston, Trumbo, Matt Damon, The Martian, Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant, Michael Fassbender, Steve Jobs, Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl

This is Leonardo's year man! There is literally nothing than can stop this gravy train! NOTHING! Sorry y'all but no one else stands a chance. This is one of the only sure things in the entire race. Leo will finally win! Rather than try to explain why... let me offer you up these memes:

PRINTABLE OSCAR BALLOT 2016 🌟

For the rest of us not boycotting the Oscars this year. 
By Kat Flynn (Actor) 

I love this photo of Faye Dunaway the morning after she won her Oscar for her performance in Network. Isn't it just what you'd think it would feel like winning one? Haha. The chaos, the excitement, and yet the shock of it all? Love it. 

Anyway, so John and I will be tuning in to the 88th Academy Awards this year! I love watching them. I really enjoy hearing the speeches, albeit they've been shortened this year! Either way, we'll stay up until about 6am watching them, because of the time difference. 

In honour of it, I've created a printable ballot for you to do at home! I beat John last year, and totes beat him this year with the BAFTA's! Go Kat! We'll see. It's tough. I think all of the "Best Picture" nominees have a good chance! AAAHH!! We'll see! 

Download PRINTABLE OSCAR BALLOT 2016

AIRS ON ABC

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 2016 7:00PM/6:00C

( IN THE UK, THE OSCARS AIR ON SKY MOVIES 1:30AM GMT ) 

Good luck, Leo! We're cheering for you! See y'all on Twitter! :)

XOXO

Image source: NYMag | Terry O'Neill | Iconic Images Ltd.

KAT FLYNN is an American Expat living & working in Great Britain. www.katflynn.com
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IF YOU’RE REALLY GOING TO HATE VALENTINE’S DAY, DO IT RIGHT

All you haters need to step your game up for next year, and I’m going to help.
By Tom Rizzuto

Do you know why I wear green to work every Valentine’s Day? It’s the same reason I was so careful not to wear any red or blue that time I drove through South Central, Los Angeles.

You can’t win, on V-Day. If you don’t wear red, you get accused of not being in the spirit. But, if you do wear red, you make enemies.

This pretty much sums up the first ten years of my romantic history.

“You know it’s a Hallmark holiday, right?” they say, as they smugly heat up their single-serving soup bowls in the break room microwave. “Don’t rub your happiness in our faces!” they yell, as they grit their teeth at every heart shaped box they scroll past on Facebook.

I implore you Valentine’s Day haters, if you haven’t yet succumbed to the urge to slam you laptop shut and curse my fowl name, stay with me. Unclench those fists. Open those sad eyes. Wipe the 75% discounted chocolate from that forlorn mouth. I do not come to you with ill will. I am here to help.

You see, my lone wolves…my strong, independent ladies…my steadfast, sovereign gentlemen, I would never tell you not to criticize this or any holiday! But we all know that the Hallmark line, while a valid point, is played out. It falls on deaf ears. It wilts, withers and tumbles to the ground like so many overpriced roses on the bedroom floors of the neglectful girlfriends of America.

There are plenty of good reasons to criticize, mock, and malign Valentines Day. Though, as I too scroll through Facebook and Twitter I see that none of you seem to be aware of them.

I hope that you all find love, my friends. But, if this year is not your year, and come next February the 14^th, you once again find yourself back on the offensive, I want you to be prepared to hit them with everything you got!

Never bring an arrow to a gunfight.

So if you’re ready to step your hate game up to the next level…read on.