Crazytown

RUPAUL SHOULD DO A "FALLEN STARS" SEASON

Imagine a television show where your least favorite and most likely forgotten Drag Race contestants got a second chance...

by David Davila

It's been a month and we're still talking about Drag Race All Stars 2... It was that good y'all. Sheesh! Between the drama, back-stabbing, alliances, runways, comedy, murderous lip-syncs, and plain ole shenanigans, All Stars 2 delivered some of the best entertainment of my entire life! So obviously we want more of it! Too bad that All Stars doesn't really work that way because we sorta have to wait for more All Stars to arise from the next few seasons. :/

So I have an idea (actually I'm not sure if the idea was mine or my friend Ryan's... we were really drunk). The queens are always talking about how much they've grown after the show, so what if we invited some of the forgotten queens, who were eliminated early, back a second chance to snatch the crown. What if Logo produced RuPaul's Drag Race Fallen Stars?

I've been following a lot of these girls on social media and so many of them have grown immensely since they departed Drag Race. Still... quite a few don't seem to have grown at all. THAT alone would make for great television.

So here are my picks for RuPaul's Drag Race Fallen Stars:

Laila McQueen 

People don't shut up about how amazing Laila McQueen is and I kind of believe them based on her fierce lip sync. She was definitely just not seasoned enough when she came to Drag Race, but that seems to have changed. 

Kelly Mantle 

One of the funniest queens on World of Wonder's youtube channel yet she can't seem to learn how to style her wigs. If she could just learn wigs she would be unstoppable. Her hair looks great in this picture though!!!

Serena ChaCha

She was in way over her head when she raced onto Season 5 and quickly made enemies with the fiercest, most seasoned queens in Drag Race herstory, but Ru was right in seeing potential in her. It's been four years since she sashayed away and has since started her own line of wigs. She may be the biggest threat and my early vote to snatch the fallen crown.

Mystique Summers

No one will ever forget her battle cry "Bitch, I am from Chicago!" The Cubs broke their century old curse so it may be the perfect season for Mystique so make a comeback! Her hair game is on point... but she would need to work on some custom designed outfits.

Sasha Belle

She was pretty basic when she stepped onto the Drag Race stage, but since leaving Sasha Belle has become the nightlife queen of Iowa. Her social media presence seems to indicate a big boost in confidence and the sense that she has embraced a camp sensibility. I think she could go far!

Dax Exclamation Point

Look at huh! She is a fierce queen! Her Comic-Con realness is legit! She would need to work on her high-fashion looks to stand a real chance, but she definitely deserves a shot!

Nicole Paige Brooks

A showgirl who relies on her really, really, really, hot body, she seems to have grown the least since her small time on Drag Race. If she could borrow some lace front wigs though... this show girl could stand a chance!

Phoenix

First of all gurrrl you need a last name to go with Phoenix because you are HARD TO GOOGLE! Sheesh! But isn't she fierce? Wow! She's one of the leading ladies of Atlanta Drag and doing it five nights a week at that. She could definitely rise to the top. 

MiMi Imfurst

Okay... so technically she is already an All-Star because she was on All Stars Season 1... BUT... Let me make a case for MiMi Imfurst as a fallen star. She was sent home wayyy too early on Season 3 of Drag Race and then again on All Stars 1 was not given a fair shot to show what she could do because she was paired up with Pandora Box and sent home in the first episode. Since then she's proven she can do anything with her viral videos, Off-Broadway shows, and National Pageant crowns. I'm sorry but we have just not seen enough of what Mimi Imfurst can do! And I demand a third chance!

and of course...

Porkchop

I mean really... need I say more?

 

PRETTY GOOD YEAR?

Even if 2016 wasn't the most awesome year on record, are we actually looking forward to 2017?
By Owen Panettieri (playwright, lyricist)

I've heard a lot of people complaining recently about 2016 and how overall it was an awful year that they can't wait to see in the rear view mirror. I don't share that opinion. I'm not looking for the year to be over. Personally, 2016 was pretty good to me. I did what I resolved to do back in January. I lost roughly 30 lbs, I traveled to places in Europe I'd always dreamed of visiting and I had a production of my latest play A Burial Place play in NYC that was as artistically enriching as anything I've ever done. I was seated in front of Anna Wintour at not one but TWO fancy events. I got to go on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride again - several times. I was surrounded by the love of family and friends. I ate good food. I slept comfortably in a nice home, I took lots of cute pictures of my dog sleeping ridiculously on our couch. I consider myself very fortunate, In a lot of ways, 2016 and I are cool with each other.

But I'll share with you one personal story that kinda sums up 2016's big problem. As I mentioned earlier, Josh and I went on a trip to Europe in July. It was a fantastic experience through Paris, Vienna, Salzburg, Munich and London. However, every single day we'd wake up to some sort of horrible international incident having happened either back home or nearby. There was the terrorist attack in Nice, the failed coup in Turkey, train attacks in Germany, mass shootings, police shootings, the creepy awfulness of the whole Republican convention. Very heavy shit happened every day and we felt it. It finally caught up with us head on in Munich, when there was a mass shooting not far from the Olympia shopping mall. Ten people, including the shooter, were killed and dozens were injured. The city went into lockdown during dinnertime. There was no public transportation. We were held inside our restaurant and under the impression there were as many as three active shooters still unaccounted for in the area. It was under those conditions we had to walk around the locked down area for an hour to get back to our hotel. The truth of the situation was that the lone shooter was dead and the threat was over, but we had to walk home believing that maybe we could be shot to death at anytime. It was scary. And it was very sad.

CAMP CLASSIC WATCH: ZOMBIE PROM THE MOVIE!!!!!

The delicious off-Broadway musical was made into a camp-classic movie that never saw the light of day...

by David Davila (Musical Theatre Writer) 

 

If you're a musical theatre obsessed weirdo like me, then you've loved ZOMBIE PROM the musical for quite some time. I was in a production back in 2007 and boy did we have a blast! It's a hysterical musical about a 1950's high school love affair gone dead; literally. I've always thought it would make a great movie, so you can imagine my surprise when I discovered that they already made it into a movie back in 2007 starring the legendary queen of camp, RuPaul.

It looks like they probably ran out of money during filming because the two and a half hour musical has been in turned into a short thirty-six minute film. Too bad the movie was made back in the days BEFORE Kickstarter and Drag Race. 

Still a short film is better than nothing... or is it just enough to make us long for a full version??? 

I can't decide! At least we have these glorious thirty-six minutes of RuPaul, rotting flesh, and poodle skirts!!!! Someone posted it on Youtube y'all... ENJOY!!!!!

 

ALL-STAR SPOILERS!!!!!!

DON'T READ!!! LOOK AWAY!!!! DON'T DO IT!!! Not if you're not caught up on Drag Race All-Stars Season 2...

by David Davila

I told you to look away! Alyssa Edwards, the beauty, the talent, the high camp, the Texas Queen has been cast away by the evil witches of Rolaskatox. 

I'm not really sure what this post is about except that it's late, and I'm mad about it. I've loved Alaska for years and in my opinion she is sooo much better than all the other queens, so it feels petty and small for her to choose friends over talent. As much as I have always loved Roxxxy Andrews, she should have been sent packing weeks ago, and the real top four should have been Alyssa, Alaska, Detox, and Katya. Thank goodness Alyssa had the good sense to keep Katya around when she was up for elimination. 

The point of this incoherent post is that the über talented queens of Rolaskatox have turned themselves into villains unknowingly and now I'm rooting for the underdog: Katya!

INSIDE GAY CINEMA: MATT KUGELMAN TALKS "HURRICANE BIANCA"

On this edition of INSIDE GAY CINEMA, Matt Kugelman talks To Wong Fu, Texas Heat, and his crush on Fred Savage...

by David Davila (musical theatre writer)

A fierce storm is making it's way around the globe, and its name is HURRICANE BIANCA, the new film written and directed by Matt Kugelman and staring the now infamous actor/comedian Roy Haylock also known as Bianca del Rio. Of course Bianca del Rio jumped to fame two years ago when she became the biggest winner in RuPaul's Drag Race HERstory. Since then she's been one busy cookie touring the globe with her unique brand of comedy and filming movies and television specials.

Before you continue reading, let me make one thing very clear: this movie is EVERYTHING! Writer/director Matt Kugelman has created a gay masterpiece, a camp classic, the kind of movie we'll be quoting for years. It has a hell of a diva as it's underdog star, a brilliantly funny villain, a bevy of cameos by our favorite drag stars, non-stop one-liner action, and sexy cowboys. I will repeat myself: THIS MOVIE IS EVERYTHING!

                                   (Check out the film's trailer)

Matt Kugelman is a writer/director from outside of Chicago who got his start editing documentaries for Michael Moore before getting hired at CBS to edit and produce shows daily for CBS Evening News and CBS This Morning. I had the pleasure of meeting Matt through a group of writers and performers in New York who produce their own work and when he invited me to a screening of HURRICANE BIANCA last February, I was floored. 

I caught up with Matt amid his busy film premiere schedule and chatted him up about the process from page to screen. Here's what the talented writer/director had to say:

(David Davila) First off, the film is magnificent! It's a new camp classic! Did you go into the writing process knowing you wanted to create a camp classic?

(Matt Kugelman) Thank you!  Not really.  When I started the writing process I really just thought this would be something fun to do that my friends and family would enjoy.  Watching it snowball and gain more and more exposure has been really mind-blowing!  

(DD) How did you get involved with Bianca del Rio and the other queens from Drag Race?

(MK) I met Bianca a little over ten years ago.  We were both fairly new to New York and I'd seen him perform once in a bar and thought he was hysterical. So I emailed him on Myspace and asked him to be in this little roast video I was making for my friends birthday.  He'd never met the guy, but pulled out all these jokes outta thin air and you could hear me cracking up off-camera. 

"PUTTING ON A SHOW..."

...is a lot of work!" - Karlan Judd's The Real Actors of NYC
By Jennifer Anderson (actor/singer/friend of new musicals)

Crazytown, some of you may remember my best week ever in March. During that artistically fulfilling week, I was part of a reading of a brand spanking new musical by Karlan Judd called The Real Actors of NYC.

Loosely based on the real life experiences of my friend Jake, Nick, and myself, The Real Actors of NYC is a satirical look at what actors have to face in the New York musical theater world. It's madcap, campy fun and I'm elated to announce that we have the opportunity to bring the show Off-Broadway!

BRIAN WILSON WROTE A RAP SONG ABOUT MALE FEMINISM IN 1990 AND IT DESERVES SOME DAMN RESPECT

I'll have none of your sass, Internet. 
By Tom Rizzuto

Here are the facts. In 1990 Beach Boys founder and universally acknowledged musical genius, Brian Wilson was not in a great place. He was still reeling from the effects of decades of mental illness and substance abuse, he was being treated by controversial psychiatrist Eugene Landy (who most believe to have been unethical and manipulative), and his recording career was at a standstill.

"Tell Kanye West I think he's adorable. Spunky little guy."

It was during this tumultuous period in his life that Wilson wrote and recorded a rap song called Smart Girls. The song was coproduced by and recorded at the insistence of Landy, and was intended for Wilson’s 1990 album Sweet Insanity. The album was rejected by Wilson’s record label and never released. It resurfaced years later and this song in particular is generally swept under the rug by most Beach Boys and Brian Wilson aficionados.

JENNIFER ANDERSON'S GUIDE TO WRITING OFF LITERALLY EVERYTHING YOU BOUGHT IN 2015

Some tax time advice
By Jennifer Anderson (Actor/Singer/Self-employed)

Ah, April. Down coats and knit hats give way to hoodies and umbrellas as the promise of May flowers, beach weather and sunshine loom on the horizon. It should be a happy time, a time of new beginnings…

…But wait. Hold up. You gotta pay your taxes first.

For plenty of you out there on W2s, tax time isn't so bad. Your employer has done all of the work for you. You just type some numbers into a free version of H&R Block software and you see a few hundred bucks funneled from Uncle Sam into your bank account. “What’s the big deal? Why do people hate taxes so much? I'm going on a cruise with my refund money and I can't wait!” And to you people I would like say, in the most polite way possible, screw you.

Because, you see, there are plenty of my kind out there too. The self-employed, independent contractor kind. The 1099 kind. The kind where your employer takes nothing out of your paycheck to subdue the government in its fit of money hungry rage. So when April comes and its time to feed the beast known as the IRS, it's starving for our hard earned dough.

Where my dreams of a Hawaiian vacation go to die.

For those of us feeling the independent contractor struggle, deductions are a necessity. A sweet lifeline to keeping what little savings or good credit we have left. And it is to you, my fellow 1099ers, that I offer up some ways to deduct everything on your bank and credit card statements.

-$95 Uber ride on Thursday, January 1st at 3:30am
Transportation from gig “teaching Zumba” to everyone at Hudson Bar. Deduction!

-$300 dress from Anthropologie on March 17th
Audition outfit. Deduction!

-$125 bar tab from Blockheads on May 5th
I spoke with colleagues about EPAs and how I haven’t been to any in, like, 6 months. Business dinner! Deduction!

-$50 on Advil, Gatorade, and Pedialyte on July 5th
Medical costs. Deduction!

-$75 at an ABC Liquor on October 16th
“Client” gifts. Deduction!

-$400 at the Apple Store on November 27th
I most definitely needed the brand new iPhone for work purposes and not for Candy Crush. Deduction!

 

JENNIFER ANDERSON is an actor and singer living in Brooklyn. She would like to emphasize the purely comedic and satirical nature of this post to anyone from the IRS who might be reading. You guys are doing a great job. www.jenniferjanderson.com
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VANESSA HUDGENS & OTHER HUGELY UNDERRATED LADIES WHO ARE MAJORLY TALENTED...

In light of the recent star-making performance of Vanessa Hudgens in GREASE: LIVE... let's take a look at some other talented ladies that don't get enough credit...

by David Davila (musical theatre writer)

You saw GREASE: LIVE right??? Right??? What??? You didn't??? What the hell were you doing on a Sunday night? Gurrrrlllll... well just in case you didn't see one of your friends post this on facebook let me give you a little review: 

VANESSA HUDGENS KILT IT SPELLED WITH A K-I-L-T!!!!

She dug down deep into her soul and gave a breath-taking performance that was both vocally powerful, gorgeous, and brilliantly acted! Bravo Vanessa! I have been telling people for years that you were great and I'm glad everyone finally got to see her talents come to life. Let's take a moment to watch again. 

 

I hope we get to see her do lots more great musical theatre roles now that the secret is out! Wouldn't she be a great Nina or Vanessa in IN THE HEIGHTS: LIVE???

But she's not the only diva who has not had her day!!!!! What about these lovely ladies???? 

PAT BOONE’S METAL ALBUM WILL MAKE YOU QUESTION EVERYTHING

The crazy thing is, I’m only partially joking.
By Tom Rizzuto

Pat Boone is an American success story. If you don’t know about Boone, he’s remembered as the second most successful recording artist of the 1950s. Only Elvis sold more records.

Though, historians may never agree on who had better jackets.

However, Boone’s legacy will forever be marred by the hits that made him famous. You see, the majority of his early hits were covers of songs that were either written or originally made famous by African Americans.

 
As you watch the video above, keep in mind that that performance was originally aired at a time when many TV producers would not allow African Americans on their programs. Instead, they had a white artist like Pat Boone perform a hit song, and as result, gain all of the publicity and record sales. Notice how before the song begins, it is clearly and erroneously stated that Boone made the song a hit, and not Little Richard.

To be fair, Pat Boone probably meant well. He’s always had a great respect for African American music. He’s been inducted into the Gospel Hall of Fame for God’s sake. And, although his comments about President Obama over the years have come off a bit racist at times, I don’t think there’s any evidence that he himself is guilty of any discrimination.

This is not an attack piece on Pat Boone. Oh no, far from it. This is a celebration of his paradoxically awesome 1997 heavy metal cover album: In a Metal Mood: No More Mister Nice Guy!
 
You can hardly be blamed for being skeptical. But really, open up your mind and listen to a little bit more.
 
I have to admit that when I first heard this album back when I was in middle school, I liked it ironically. But over the years, it’s really grown on me. Pat Boone is not putting on airs. He’s being his same old swinging self. Also, don’t even kid yourself, these big band arrangements are killer.
 
Also, maybe it’s his velvety smooth voice, but I never noticed how poetic heavy metal lyrics could be!
 
Perhaps the most fascinating thing about this masterpiece…the thing that has kept me intrigued for the better part of two decades…is that I still can’t tell if Boone is in on the joke or not.

Or is it a joke? I mean, listen to those horns! Why would he hire such great arrangers and soloists to make a joke?

Or maybe, just maybe, by taking a premise so ridiculous and making it so undeniably awesome, Boone is forcing us to take him seriously. The joke was on us all along.

You don't like it? Here's a dime. Call somebody who cares, baby.

 

Tom Rizzuto is a freelance musician and writer working in New York. He has also taught guitar and music history at several local universities. His love for these songs is 100% sincere. 
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