Crazytown

A NEW DRUG

Fully funded by the FDA.
By Jennifer Anderson (actor/singer/pharmaceutical rep)

Crazytown friends, I recently wrapped up an amazing class at the Magnet Theater called Video Creation Level 1. Led by director, writer, and producer Joe Whelski, I (along with 8 other awesome fledgling filmmakers) wrote, directed, shot, and produced our own scripts over the course of 2 months.

So today, I'd like to present my final, finished product: "NEW DRUG." Hope you enjoy it!

 

Special thanks to my actors Manu Menon, Rachael Shaffer, and Garrit Guadan. And additional special thanks to www.bensound.com for providing the soundtrack.

JENNIFER ANDERSON is an actor and singer living in Brooklyn. She needs a refill on her thoughts and prayers. www.jenniferjanderson.com
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TIPS TO POWER THROUGH THAT RUSSIAN ROSETTA STONE, FINALLY

Because now is as good a time as any to learn the new national language.
By Jennifer Anderson (actor/singer/девушка)

Last week on MSNBC, California representative Maxine Waters sat down with Chris Hayes and the rest of the nation for some good, old fashioned Tea Time.

Since the Kremlin Klan has already influenced elections, probably won the Patriots the Super Bowl again and gave the Best Picture Oscar to La La Land, we're not that far away from having to learn the Cyrillic alphabet like Mr. Garrison had to learn the Canadian one.

 

So why not beat the rush and start learning some Russian now? As someone who's attempted to learn the Slavic language once when she was bored on a cruise ship 7 years ago, I feel like I can lend some helpful tips and tricks for mastering this tough and cryptic language.

1. Just skip the voice stuff. I literally got stuck saying the Russian version of "hello" for 35 minutes before I just gave up an moved on. We won't need to say "hello" in new Russia anyway.

2. Imagine the weird looking letters as the bones of our founding fathers turning over in their graves to help you remember them. For example, the Cyrillic B...

...kind of looks like Benjamin Franklin hanging his head and crying into his protruding belly.

3. Let the pictures remind you of happier times, like this one: 

Ah, remember those pre-DeVos days when you actually learned how to read in school and girls were looked at as more than hosts?

JENNIFER ANDERSON актер и певец, живущий в Бруклине. Она любит мать Россию, да она делает. www.jenniferjanderson.com
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IF YOU WANNA HEAR MY BODY RAP...

...just ask me and I'll tell you about that.
By Jennifer Anderson (Actor/Singer/Body Beatboxer)

Crazytown, I've been feeling very uninspired this week. I tried to crap out another Super Shitty sketch (get it?), but to no avail. Writers' block damn you, you evil mistress.

So to keep you entertained, I've decided to share one of my favorite podcast clips with you all today: It's Kyle Dunnigan and his amazing body rapping skills from the sadly defunct Professor Blastoff. Enjoy!

 

 

JENNIFER ANDERSON is an actor and singer living in Brooklyn. Just ask her about her body rap. www.jenniferjanderson.com
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SUPER SHITTY SKETCH THURSDAYS!

Or, Jennifer attempts to get her ass in gear.
By Jennifer Anderson (actor/singer/writer when she has a deadline)

Crazytown, it's time for me to admit my failings as a burgeoning sketch writer. One of the first rules of starting to do this thing is to, simply, write. And write. And write some more. And write a lot more. And at that, I am terrible. Unless I have someone standing over me, or a group to hold me accountable, or a gun to my head, I can't ever sit down and barf out even the shittiest of sketches. I'll be inspired by an idea, start the first few lines, then give up when it's not as funny as Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer. So I've decided to use my Thursdays here at Crazytown as a tool to get myself writing. And because I like transparency and the least amount of pressure possible, my goal is that this will be the space for all of the crap I come up with but can't finish because I feel like it's not good enough. So, feel free to make fun of it. Feel free to question my ability and talent as a writer (I know I will). But my hope is that once all of the constipation of terrible ideas have passed, the really good stuff will start moving though. So enjoy! (Or don't. Probably don't.) Today's pass: "Tough and Dirty Race"

THE DEVOS CURRICULUM

New and exciting changes to your public school education, courtesy of your new secretary.
By Jennifer Anderson (actor/singer/I can barely joke about this anymore)

This Tuesday, Billionaire Betsy DeVos was named the Secretary of Education in an historic senate vote.

Hey, kids! You too can be whatever you want to be when you grow up. Just make sure you have a shit ton of money.

As expected, the nation's public schools will start to see some changes in its required curriculum. These anticipated changes include:

-Mastery of home economics (girls only)

-Master of Grizzly target practice using AR-15's (boys only)

Image via

-The ability to recite all Bible passages accurately and with enthusiasm (counts as a public speaking credit, applications of lessons in the Bible not required.)

-The completion of a scrap book containing screen shots of Donald Trump's tweets covered in red, white, and blue glitter (counts as an art credit)

-The competition of the new Presidential Fitness test, which requires all participants to kneel and genuflect in under 5 seconds.

-Mastery of Dressing like a woman (again, girls only)

-Mastery of living off credit cards, since the entirety of your paycheck as an adult will go towards your massive, unrepeatable student loan debt.

JENNIFER ANDERSON is an actor and singer living in Brooklyn. She wants to start a band called Potential Grizzlies. www.jenniferjanderson.com
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4 ALTERNATIVE FACTS TO GIVE THE IRS ON APRIL 15TH

Because if the POTUS doesn't have to pay taxes, why should you?
By Jennifer Anderson (actor/singer/totally willing to share my tax returns because I'm a law abiding citizen)

Last Sunday, Kellyanne Conway gifted us all a brand spanking new phrase to add to our "Living in the Age of Trump" lexicon:

Since we have a commander and chief who is the first in recent history (read: 45 years) to not only refuse to release his tax returns, but who refused to release them during his campaign, then said he would after an audit, and then oops changed his mind again and decided he won't after all, I've decided that I'm going to take a page from the Kellyanne Conway book of conduct and present some "Alternative Facts" to the Internal Revenue Service when they come knocking on my door for their fair share:

30 THINGS TO DO THAT ARE MORE COMFORTING THAN WATCHING DONALD TRUMP'S INAUGURATION

Because self care is important when the world is imploding around you.
By Jennifer Anderson (actor/singer/fake news enthusiast)

Ladies and gentlemen of Crazytown, tomorrow marks a day of fear and mourning for the vast majority of this country. All of our efforts- physical, mental, political, spiritual- have not been enough to combat the shady ass shit that got a giant orange colored moth ball the highest office in the land. But just like death and taxes, Inauguration Day is upon us and we are left with the biggest insult to our collective intelligence ever: Donald Trump is our president.

However, just because it's happening doesn't mean we have to watch it. So as you're preparing to march in Washington or New York or any other city, take a few steps away from the madness with this list of more comforting things to do than watch Mr. Trump become President:

AND ON EARTH PEACE, GOOD WILL TOWARD MEN (AND WOMEN): PART 3

The third in a series of how not to be an asshole for the rest of 2016.
By Jennifer Anderson (Actor/Singer/Setting fire to the last remaining garbage pile of 2016)

Happy December, Crazytown. I think you'll agree with me when I say that I'm happy to see 2016, a year full of trials and tribulations, finally draw to a close.

But 2016 isn't done yet. We still have a full 31 days left, and leave it up to this crazy year to let even more shit hit the fan before it finally dies with a colossal void of its bowels. Despite what the rest of 2016 has in store for us, there is one thing we still have control over: ourselves. So let's all agree to allow the generous and joyful spirit of the holidays to influence our actions for this next month, if not the entirety of 2017.

Today's topic: Keep on a-movin'

 

AND ON EARTH PEACE, GOOD WILL TOWARD MEN (AND WOMEN): PART 2

The second in a series of how not to be an asshole for the rest of 2016.
By Jennifer Anderson (Actor/Singer/Setting fire to the last remaining garbage pile of 2016)

Happy December, Crazytown. I think you'll agree with me when I say that I'm happy to see 2016, a year full of trials and tribulations, finally draw to a close.

But 2016 isn't done yet. We still have a full 31 days left, and leave it up to this crazy year to let even more shit hit the fan before it finally dies with a colossal void of its bowels. Despite what the rest of 2016 has in store for us, there is one thing we still have control over: ourselves. So let's all agree to allow the generous and joyful spirit of the holidays to influence our actions for this next month, if not the entirety of 2017.

Today's topic: Subway Physics

 

AND ON EARTH PEACE, GOOD WILL TOWARD MEN (AND WOMEN): PART 1

The first in a series of how not to be an asshole for the rest of 2016.
By Jennifer Anderson (Actor/Singer/Setting fire to the last remaining garbage pile month of this year)

Happy December, Crazytown. I think you'll agree with me when I say that I'm happy to see 2016, a year full of trials and tribulations, finally draw to a close.

But 2016 isn't done yet. We still have a full 31 days left, and leave it up to this crazy year to let even more shit hit the fan before it finally dies with a colossal void of its bowels. Despite what the rest of 2016 has in store for us, there is one thing we still have control over: ourselves. So let's all agree to allow the generous and joyful spirit of the holidays to influence our actions for this next month, if not the entirety of 2017.

Today's topic: Only you can prevent Gate Lice