WHAT I KNOW

...and what I don't.
by Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer)

I know that it’s been hard to write this blog lately. I know that these days I’ve been putting it off until the last minute, wondering if anything I have to say is of any value in days like these. That my thoughts have been in a constant jumble.

I know that I’m heading up to Rochester, NY today to work on a devised theatre piece based on the concept of the American Dream. I know that I’m going to be working with some very talented people. I know that I’m going to see a very dear friend of mine when I’m up there. I know that 10 inches of snow yesterday got dumped in NYC and that “there is no real snow upstate” (direct quote from said friend who lives upstate). The irony of that makes me chuckle.

I know that making theater makes me happy. That acting and creating always does.

Existential Detective.
Don't ask (super-fun, though).

I know that these days, the state of the world weighs heavy on my mind. That hearing opinions and actions based in ignorance and fear, or people sharing “news” or information without first checking what the sources are makes me want to scream. I know the last is because it's consistent with their view of the world, but these days it’s too dangerous to share information without checking out where it came from first. As a journalist friend of mine said, “I'm always bitching for people to 'get to the second thought' of questioning an idea. If we don't take the extra minute to research or think something through, we're all dead.”

For God’s sake, stop and get to the second thought. For God’s sake, STOP and THINK.

I know that these days my patience is thin for people making the same mistakes over and over…and that includes myself.

I know learning is not always linear.

I know that “I Am Not Your Negro” is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very, very long time. That what James Baldwin said 30 years ago still applies today. I know that I wish everyone could see it, that I hope it’ll make light bulbs go off in heads all over the world, inspiring them to take action.

 

I wish and hope that it will.

I know that when they played the theme to Star Wars on WQXR on Wednesday in honor of John Williams’ 85^th Birthday I almost cried at work. Because that theme song and that movie always reminds me of everything I loved in my childhood, and right now I’d do anything to feel that pure, simple, love for something, rather than these days when joy seems to be so fleeting. Yesterday while trudging through the snow I had to stop for a minute and laugh. Why? Because snow was falling in my eyes and sticking in my hair, and all that kept running through my head was, “Echo 3 to Echo 7. Han old buddy, do you read me?”

NYC or Hoth?

I know that I’m a nerd. I wear that label proudly and apologize for nothing.

I know that these words of James Baldwin sum up what I know better than I can right now: “I can't be a pessimist because I'm alive. To be a pessimist means that you have agreed that human life is an academic matter, so I'm forced to be an optimist. I'm forced to believe that we can survive whatever we must survive.”

I know that if we want to see a better world, we fight, live our lives, and go on.

 

KATHLEEN CHOE is a NYC based actor, singer, and writer. www.www.kathleen-choe.com
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