30 THINGS TO DO THAT ARE MORE COMFORTING THAN WATCHING DONALD TRUMP'S INAUGURATION

Because self care is important when the world is imploding around you.
By Jennifer Anderson (actor/singer/fake news enthusiast)

Ladies and gentlemen of Crazytown, tomorrow marks a day of fear and mourning for the vast majority of this country. All of our efforts- physical, mental, political, spiritual- have not been enough to combat the shady ass shit that got a giant orange colored moth ball the highest office in the land. But just like death and taxes, Inauguration Day is upon us and we are left with the biggest insult to our collective intelligence ever: Donald Trump is our president.

However, just because it's happening doesn't mean we have to watch it. So as you're preparing to march in Washington or New York or any other city, take a few steps away from the madness with this list of more comforting things to do than watch Mr. Trump become President:

1. Meditate

2. Take a nap

3. Take a Xanax

4. Take a Klonopin

5. Take a fifth of Vodka with a Xanax and a Klonopin

6. Smoke some pot

7. Smoke some meth

8. Smoke some bath salts

9. Ride the N train

10. Ride the R train

11. Ride the 4, 5, or 6 train at 5:45pm

12. Hang out in the Penn Station LIRR waiting area at 5:45pm

13. Relive Christmas with an Oculus
    

14. Relive SantaCon with an Oculus

15. Get a dental procedure

16. Get a dental procedure with no Novocain

17. Get surgery and wake up in the middle of it but still be paralyzed from the anesthesia

18. Read your favorite book

19. Read your favorite book in the 34th street McDonald's bathroom

20. Stick yourself over and over again with a OneTouch ultra

21. Balance on one foot right next to the third rail

22. Shave all of your hair off and then do the ice bucket challenge

23. Scale the Empire State Building using suction cups you bought at the bodega

24. Call all of your exes and talk to them for 2 hours

25. Call your grandma, who wants to repeal the 19th amendment, and talk to her for 2 hours

26. Call your great uncle, who only talks about how much he hates Obamacare even though he knows you're on it, and talk to him for 2 hours

27. Get an ingrown toenail removed

28. Get a Pap smear (while you still can)

29. Get a Pap smear with a rusty nail (the wave of the future)

30. Find a screaming baby and take it with you on a transatlantic flight

JENNIFER ANDERSON is an actor and singer living in Brooklyn. She'll be spending January 20th with her 3 favorite bottles of wine. www.jenniferjanderson.com
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Comments

[Tom Rizzuto]

Well played.