A conversation with the New Year before it officially arrives to sublet this time of our lives.
By Owen Panettieri (playwright, lyricist)
Hey 2017, Nice to meet you. Come in! Take your coat off and stay a while. You can just kick off your shoes in the front hall. I appreciate you coming to meet with me several days before your scheduled arrival.
I know you're hoping to crash on my couch for the next 365 days and that's cool. We'll make it work. I know you spoke to 2016 about how things go around here. We actually got along pretty well, all things considered, but I'm making a few changes when 2016 vacates for good, and that will affect how you and I are going to get along together. I learned some important things about myself while 2016 was staying with me. And while I know with you being here it's a fresh start, I can promise you that 2016 is planning to leave enough of its baggage and dirty laundry scattered around my living room to be an issue we'll have to address. We're going to have to do a bit of clean up together.
2016 was kind of a noisy house guest. Very opinionated. A bit of a sensationalist. Lots of drama. I'm looking for noise-reduction when it comes to our time together, 2017. I could've talked about a lot of important issues with 2016, but there was too much bullshit all the time. It became exhausting.2016 was always reacting immediately to every story that shows up in its social media feeds regardless of the source or the date on the article. It would fixate on fake news or get angry about things that happened years ago and were already resolved and it was very hard to reason with 2016. I'm going to be taking a step back from that. Don't look for me to be a constant sparring partner, 2017. I'm sure we'll have A LOT to talk about. There are important issues on the table - women's rights, LGBT rights, racial inequality and injustice, Islamophobia, environmental issues that need to be championed. I will not be silent about these things. But I'm going to need more quiet time, 2017. More time for reading and writing. There are only so many hours in a day. Let's make more of them count.
I'm trying to welcome you with open arms, 2017, but I'm concerned. I mean, last year my big resolution was to comfortably fit into my black suit pants again and this year I'm resolving to stand up against Nazism in America. So yeah, priorities have changed as things are taking a drastic turn at the top levels of government in a deeply disturbing way. I know that didn't happen on your watch, 2017. People have generally been in a negative head space for the last two months. I hope when you're hear you can inspire a sense of community, compassion and artistic inspiration as we sort ourselves out.
Also 2016 turned out to be a really big taker which was unexpected and unappreciated. I know it's the circle of life that we say goodbye to people we love and inspire us, but things got really out of hand with 2016. So let me give you a preliminary list of artists I'm not willing to say goodbye to while you're with me. I want these people happy and healthy and living their lives to the fullest. Don't cause problems for them, 2016!.These people include Angela Lansbury, Billy Joel, Kelly Clarkson, Rafael Nadal, Ian McKellan, any full time cast member from any Star Trek series, Barack and Michelle Obama, Betty White, Helen Mirren, Elton John, Aretha Franklin, Oprah Winfrey, Stephen Sondheim, Stephen King, Rachel Maddow, Kelly Ripa, Bruce Springsteen, Alec Baldwin and Maggie Smith. I'll keep thinking about this and will probably keep updating you on people who are absolutely off limits when you officially arrive. Let's help Carrie Fisher back to health in the New Year, as well, please.
And on a personal note, be kind to my friends and family, 2017. 2016 at times was very rude, very dismissive and very unkind to them. Many were dealing with situations in which I felt I could not adequately ease their pain. I want you to be more gracious to them while you're here. Make the effort to be accommodating and nurturing. They deserve it. They need a goddamn break and they are willing to give you a chance and embrace you with energy and optimism. If you turn your back on that, I'll be pissed and won't remember you fondly.
That's it for now, 2017. Thanks for talking with me. I'll see you when I see you. Expectations are high for what you'll bring. In the immortal words of RuPaul, Good luck and don't fuck it up.
On and P,S, - you can add RuPaul to the list of people who are not allowed to die on your watch. SERIOUSLY. DO NOT TRY TO PLAY ME LIKE THAT, 2017!
OWEN PANETTIERI is the author of the awarding-winning plays Vestments of the Gods and The Timing of a Day. His latest play, A Burial Place, had its world debut in NYC tis November. Member of Playwrights Gallery in NYC. Happy New Year to all! www.owenpanettieri.com
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