The second in a series of how not to be an asshole for the rest of 2016.
By Jennifer Anderson (Actor/Singer/Setting fire to the last remaining garbage pile of 2016)
Happy December, Crazytown. I think you'll agree with me when I say that I'm happy to see 2016, a year full of trials and tribulations, finally draw to a close.
But 2016 isn't done yet. We still have a full 31 days left, and leave it up to this crazy year to let even more shit hit the fan before it finally dies with a colossal void of its bowels. Despite what the rest of 2016 has in store for us, there is one thing we still have control over: ourselves. So let's all agree to allow the generous and joyful spirit of the holidays to influence our actions for this next month, if not the entirety of 2017.
Today's topic: Subway Physics
The holidays mean gifts, and to acquire gifts, one must leave the confines of one's apartment and venture out into strange and crowded lands (unless you have Amazon Prime, in which case you never leave your apartment for anything.) For most of us in the city, the ways in which we traverse are limited to walking and public transportation.
Just me and 3,000 of my closest friends trying to go to Macy's.
While I curse the MTA on a frequent basis, I am eternally grateful to live in a city that allows me to not have to worry about parallel parking my car, or looking for a space at 2:30am, or being able to have more than one drink at dinner because the N train is my DD. However, the trains and buses have their downfalls, and not all of it is the MTA's fault; the biggest downfall is riders who fail to learn subway physics.
Subway physics are simple; in fact, there's really just one crucial rule to remember, and you'll ace whatever pop quiz is thrown at you in 4 Train 101: A space must be vacated before a space is created. That's it. You now have a PhD in subway physics.
There is order in the universe.
Sadly, the vast majority of people must have failed out of subway physics, or stopped just short of completing their thesis. They forget this one only crucial rule. Instead of waiting for passengers to disembark, thus creating a space, they barge on through passengers who've yet to vacate, where space has yet to be created.
Is there something I'm missing here? Are the first people through the train doors at every stop awarded $5000, a puppy of their choosing, and a key to the city from Governor Cuomo? Why do throngs of people shove themselves on the train at 42nd street before the throngs of people who have to get off can, thus creating a massive cluster fuck of bodies and M&M Store bags and Herschel backpacks and Showtime?
Guys. WAIT UNTIL EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN OFF THE TRAIN BEFORE YOU GET ON. Then, and only then, will there be space for you on a crowded train. Your fellow passengers and MTA personnel will thank you.
The big game was on the same day as his subway physics final.
JENNIFER ANDERSON is an actor and singer living in Brooklyn. She thanks the N train for being a loyal and reliable DD for the past 8 years. www.jenniferjanderson.com
EMAIL HIM/HER | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | OTHER POSTS BY THIS AUTHOR
Recent Comments