No, I’m not. And I'll tell you why.
by Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer)
Practicing gratitude in times like these is tough. In the past, being told to “be grateful”--especially when the world knocked me down--has had way too many negative connotations for me. First off, it was usually uttered by someone speaking from a place of privilege, making me feel dismissed. Second, it was attached to disappointment, not being good enough, and being told that I was a horrible person for not being able to get past whatever it was that had happened.
I’ve come to realize that it isn’t true. Gratitude doesn’t mean you accept things that you don’t like. Gratitude is just a way to take stock of what is working. What is good.
Gratitude doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be upset about the stuff that's bothering you or be complacent with whatever situation you might be in. It does allow you to be happy in spite of all of that.
And so, what I am grateful for this Thanksgiving holiday:
1. That I live in a country where vocal, active dissent is a right. My great-grandfather was thrown into prison for organizing dissent against the Japanese during their occupation of Korea. He died shortly thereafter. What’s happening in our country right now--albeit painful, maddening, and frustrating--is freedom. So I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful for freedom.
Don't like it? Speak up. Speak out.
2. My family. Though it might not always be a source of great understanding (Why don’t you have stable job? Why aren’t you married?), it has always been a source of unconditional great love, laughter, and inspiration.
3. My friends, or rather, the family I chose where there is great understanding, as well as great love, laughter, and inspiration.
My family. Most of them. Both of them.
4. My health, and those of the people I Iove. Health scares for myself and my loved ones have been very real for the past few years. For now, all is well.
5. My home. I was born in one of the most amazing cities in the world, and right now live in one of its most diverse boroughs. I have friends in my building and in my neighborhood that I can borrow a cup of sugar from or stop by for a glass of wine. I have a warm, safe place to sleep at night that’s mine. I’m very grateful for that.
6. That I know what I love to do: Act. Create. Though the business side of it can suck my soul at times, there’s no way to fully explain the joy of doing it and going after it with everything I have.
7. That there are masters of creation who keep creating, inspiring me to do the same.
Miyazaki. Creating worlds since 1963 and still going.
Never stop, please.
8. Running water (there's a reason I don't like camping).
9. Electricity (see above).
10. That the abundance of food is a problem for me, instead of a dream.
Black and White milkshake, courtesy of Joe's Steaks + Soda Shop in Philadelphia, PA.
Many extra gym sessions were required in burning this off.
A problem that is good to have.
KATHLEEN CHOE is a NYC based actor, singer, and writer. www.www.kathleen-choe.com
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