Finally, autocorrect is correct.
By Jennifer Anderson (Actor/Singer/Super intelligent)
Autocorrect can either be a savior….
Or a curse.
But let’s be real for a moment here, Crazytowners. Perhaps the most frustrating presumption that autocorrect makes is that we aren’t all a bunch of sailors on shore leave, and for some odd reason we mean to type “ducking” in nearly every single text message we ever send to anyone, sometimes several times in one sentence.
Alas, autocorrect remains like the shadow of our grandmothers: constantly appalled at our excessive use of profanity, our short skirts, our lack of church attendance, and the fact that we’re not married to that nice boy we went to prom with 15 years ago. (Because he’s already married Grandma. To a man.)
However, there does come a time when ducking is exactly the word we’re looking for; when it captures the heart and gravity of a certain moment in time better than any other word in the English language. It may not be often, but ducking will come in handy for several situations:
1. On the first OkCupid Date-
“He took me to a Dave and Busters. In Times Square. He just went to the bathroom, so I’m going to start ducking out of here now.”
2. When accessing health care in Alabama-
“I tried to get a pap smear at Planned Parenthood today, but the anti-abortionist were out throwing rocks again. They had me ducking for cover.”
3. When watching A&E-
“Duck Dynasty was intense tonight. Did you see Willie ducking all of those fucking ducks?”
JENNIFER ANDERSON is an actor and singer living Brooklyn. Despite her protests, Autocorrect has saved her more times than ruined her. www.jenniferjanderson.com
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