POKEWHAT HUH?

My foray into the world of whatever the hell a Zubat is.
By Jennifer Anderson (Actor/Singer/Only ever played The Sims)

Oh my God, world, shut up about Pokemon Go already.

I’ve read all the articles. I’ve seen all the screenshots on social media. I’ve heard about the stampede in Central Park. I know that these little creatures can, upon download, roam around your Google accounts willy nilly, stealing any and all information about you. Never before I have I been so educated on a topic I know absolutely nothing about.
 

Hey there Krabby, I hear you're in the market for identity theft. Feel free to take mine, along with all of the credit card and student loan debt that goes with it. Gotta pay ‘em all!

As you Crazytowners may remember, I’m not usually one to fall heavily into current trends. I remain pretty solidly on the outskirts of whatever is popular. But with this Pokemon crap, I have to admit, my curiosity got the best of me.

As I was scrolling through Facebook one night, I saw a friend’s status that read “I walked 134 miles today and all I got was a fucking Zubat.” As I read the status aloud, my boyfriend laughed heartily.

“I don’t get it. Why is that so funny?”

“Because a Zubat is shitty.”

“Why is it shitty?”

“They’re all over the place, they’re pests.”

Despite my better judgement, I decided to google Zubat. What followed was a trip down the rabbit hole that would test the limits of my intelligence.

Apparently this is a Zubat. I think it's kind of cute. I don't understand why it's so shitty.

Learning about Zubat linked me to other monster/creature things, like Charmander.

This is a Charmander. It’s weakness is “ground.” I’m sorry, but what the fuck does that even mean? Your weakness is GROUND?

But the more I looked, the more the lure of these cute little monster things drew me in.

At 8:45pm on Saturday, July 16th, I finally gave in. After 10 days of staunch resistance, holding firm to the fact that I am an adult in my early 30’s, I downloaded the app.




So far I’ve caught a purple rat thing, 17 Zubats, a seahorse, some rhino looking guy, and 4 Krabbys. I keep trying to go to a gym but the app tells me I’m not good enough of a trainer yet. I take this personally, as I’ve worked in a gym as a trainer for almost 5 years.


Fuck you, dude. My clients LOVE me.

The verdict is still out on whether or not I’ll keep the app open long enough to progress onto master status. But, at least for now, I’ll enjoy the company of these rat and bat things while in search for my spirit Poke, the Psyduck.

JENNIFER ANDERSON is an actor and singer living in Brooklyn. By the time you read this, she will have deleted Pokemon and will be back to playing Candy Crush. www.jenniferjanderson.com
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