IN HONOR OF WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH

A short story about female comedian-hood.
-By Leah Bonnema (Stand-Up Comic)

People often ask me if I wanted to be a female comedian when I was growing up. I never did. I wanted to be something far more sensible. I wanted to be Han Solo. He always said the awesomest things like "Sorry about the mess" when clearly he wasn't sorry at all. I was always sorry for everything. He was funny. He had those pants with the stripes down the sides. Ugh I loved those pants. So slimming.

The thing is I love being a comic. And I love being a woman. AND I think it's important to discuss sexism. AND I know that being a woman is a POV I bring to all of my jokes because it's my experience and that experience is important. That being said, I want to be a comedian, no qualifier.

It bothers me that women never get to be the thing itself. We have to be the other or a sub-category of said thing. Female Scientist. Female Astronaut. Female CEO. Meaning that female is not the standard. That doesn't seem to happen to men. With the expectation of male nurse. As if everyone is in shock that a man can be nurturing. "He's a male nurse?!" F that.

When people ask what it's like to be a female comedian I always think of this experience because I believe it's apropos. I was early to a gig and sitting in the green room. I was at a cliff hanger point in a detective novel so I hung back in the corner reading when this guy on the show pointed out that apparently I like books for the masses (essentially). Whatever. He wants to let me know about some non-fiction brain burner he's into. So I made a cheeky comment that actually I had just learned a new word.

"What was the word?" he asked.

''Defenestration," I said. "I had never seen that word before so I looked it up. It means to throw someone out a window."

"Oh that's not what it means. It means to cut someone's head off." He then went on to pull out his phone and look the word up in front of me and the other comics in the room. "Oh you're right. That is what it means."

I wanted to throw my book at his face and scream "MotherFu&%er my entire point was that I JUST looked the word up. What kind of an idiot do you think I am?!" But I said none of that. I just stared in his face, put my book down, went on stage and did my job.

This is what I think it's like to be a female anything. Constantly questioned. Constantly proving oneself. Of course we can't be trusted to make decisions over our own body, or make the same money, or be president. We read silly books and can't look up words properly. Why are we even reading in a corner thinking people won't comment. We are children, please give us your opinion and guidance.

This is why I think women need to up their murder game. Everyone feels completely comfortable coming up to us and saying some stupid sh^t. What are we going to do? Have some feelings about it?! People need to feel a little more threatened of us. Keep them on their toes. 

I have a dream. Happy Women's History Month.

Leah Bonnema  is a Stand Up Comic. www.LeahBonnema.com
EMAIL HER |  FACEBOOK | TWITTER | OTHER POSTS BY THIS AUTHOR