WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN MORNING?!

What's the saying --> once you conquer your mind, you can conquer anything?! Or conquer your mind before your back goes out?!
By Leah Bonnema (Stand-Up Comic)

This past week I had the wonderful experience of performing on the incredibly awesome Naomi Ekperigin and Andy Beckerman's show In Stereo (it's once a month at HiFi --> check it out) where comics step up to the mic in pairs. I duo-ed it up with the very talented and lovely Ayanna Dookie. Ayanna and I are what I'd call pump-each-other-up-partners. We took our "you're gonna rock this next show" supportive text messages to the stage. As we were going back and forth riffing on self analysis I recalled a recent event that I would like to share with you here...

        

It was a few weeks before the holidays; I was hosting a show at Caroline's on Broadway. The man sitting directly in front of the stage was positioned in a manner that let me know he didn't spend most of his waking hours questioning all of his decisions. (After years of working with live audiences you can tell so much about someone from the way they sit. Stand-up comics would make great FBI profilers.)

We were still in the getting to know you, warm up, part of the program so I asked him "What's the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?" He thought for a moment and then responded "When I wake up in the morning the first thing I think is, it's gonna be a great day." I s%$ my brain.

First, good on this dude for putting the question at the beginning of the sentence. It makes for easier TV sound bite edits. And second, I was wowed. When I wake up it's an avalanche of things I need to do, things I should have done, things I don't know why I am doing. It's so much at once that I'm basically rendered useless by panic before even getting out of bed.

I've made huge strides at controlling my thoughts, or not obsessing on them, working on one thing at a time. But it's definitely something I struggle with. Self doubt at every possible moment instead of just putting one foot in front of the other. Being in the moment. Doing something and then letting it go. Often (in the past) when I've had to make a hard decision my back went out. I've come a long way with that. Now I just eat a lot of nachos and throw on a heating pad. My B-to-the-F said that if I could channel my brain energy for the good of myself, instead of always being against myself, I could move mountains.

So this is me waking up trying to invoke greatness.... Agh, did I sleep in too much?! I should have gotten up early like I used to do in college and taken two work out classes. Why can't I do that anymore?! NONE OF MY PANTS FIT. It's not like I'm using this time to write instead. WHY HAVE I WRITTEN NOTHING NEW. I've started like ten projects and finished none of them. You could probably get more done if you apartment was cleaner. Why are you so disorganized!? YOU NEED TO DO A DEEP CLEAN. Ugh. Spiral Spiral Spiral Spiral. STOP. IT'S GONNA BE A GREAT DAY. Foot on floor. Stand Up. Start day.

Probably I won't run open arms into being a optimist. But I can work to eliminate the constant negative self talk. What an incredible waste of time, energy and my life. It's like I'm hitting myself in the face every other second. 

I wish everyone thoughts that benefit them. Getting you on your own team. And being a cheerleader for yourself. It's a great day. It's a great day. It's a great day. It's the day we have. And we are what we have.

Leah Bonnema  is a Stand Up Comic. www.LeahBonnema.com
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Comments

[Johnny C]

Great blog today! Let's all conquer the demons in our heads and knock this day out of the park!!!