A Farewell to my Uncle
By Gregory Jacobs-Roseman (Composer-Lyricist)
David Freschman
Hello dear readers of Crazytown. So, you may or may not have noticed my total absence from the blog a week ago. That was due to the unfortunate circumstance of my family having to bury my now-deceased uncle. Jews by tradition bury their dead as quickly as possible. I’m sure there’s some scriptural reason for this, but I’m no expert. All I could do was feel and live through the loss.
My uncle David, a man who stood taller than any concrete building or ancient tree was taken by cancer at an early age. These are the remarks I wrote on the train while heading home to Delaware for his funeral:
When I was younger I wanted nothing more than to get out of Delaware and away from my family. I wanted to go off to college, get the hell out of dodge, be independent and on my own. I suppose being the only gay kid I knew in Delaware in the 90’s had a huge part in that. What I didn’t recognize back then was how unconditionally my family loved me, and how my feeling of being out of place had nothing to do with them.
In my life experience death isn’t something that became a reality until I was away from the place in which I grew up. I lost a grandfather before I was old enough to form memories, and two great-grandparents during my early teens, but I still didn’t possess the maturity to fully comprehend the loss.
My aunt Cheryl died of cancer my senior year of college. It happened during the Boston blizzard in January of 2005 and I couldn’t get out of the city. I felt helpless – and it is that feeling that defined the major losses I have experienced ever since. I lost my grandfather in April of 2013. That came out of nowhere and was a stark lesson in how people can be here one minute, and then leave this existence overnight.
My uncle David Freschman was in his early 50’s when he passed away from pancreatic cancer yesterday. He was a large presence, a man who was not lacking in firm opinions or tough love. I grew up with him. I spent a lot of time as a young boy at the Freshman house wishing to be anywhere else. I looked after my baby cousins and basically waited until my mother would pick me up from her sister’s house to take me home.
When you’re a kid you don’t think that being stuck at your aunt & uncle’s townhouse will become a cherished memory when you’re in your 30’s. When you’re a kid you’re not aware of the way life can be cut short – how sometimes no mater how strong and virile a man may appear on the outside, we’re all at the mercy of our bodies, and a couple of malignant cells can bring down a man who seemed bigger than an oak tree when I was little.
Cancer is awful. I wish I were smarter – I wish I were some brilliant doctor who was actually doing something to stop it. But unfortunately I never inherited my family’s talent for medicine. I can only feel, think, and try to put it all into words and onto paper in an attempt to communicate with any other human willing to listen. It’s the only thing I know how to do. It’s the only way I know how to get the helpless feeling out of my brain and body.
I sit here now on an Amtrak train 40 minutes behind schedule heading home to Delaware to bury my uncle. If you told me back during my teenage years that I would one day be anxiously anticipating the hugs I’m going to receive from and give to my Jacobs relatives I wouldn’t have believed you.
This isn’t forever. Be present. Do what you can to be happy. And tell the people you love that you love them. I said it when I delivered my grandfather’s eulogy and it remains as true today as it was then: there’s no such thing as saying “I love you” too many times.
This is my contribution this week. I can think of little more to say, except this: get yourself checked out often and early. I have no business giving medical advice – but you don’t fuck with cancer. If your body is telling you something is wrong: get a professional to look at it.
GREGORY JACOBS-ROSEMAN is a composer/lyricist and theatrical sound designer. His musical Save The Date: A Wedding Road-Trip Musical won the Overall Excellence Award for a Musical in the 2013 New York International Fringe Festival. gregjr.com
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I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a wonderful tribute!
Posted by: David Davila | Tuesday, March 31, 2015 at 07:17 PM